On Vox: End of year randoms [22 Dec 2009|11:03am] dumbkidglory Originally posted on transitlounge.vox.com +

On Vox: 211209 [21 Dec 2009|12:33pm] dumbkidglory December 21. The year slowly creeps towards a close and an overwhelming sense of reflection and nosalgia hits me once again. I am looking forward to putting ths year to a close, in an attempt to put my own mind at ease. As if the ritual of kissing the year goodbye and welcoming the new year with open arms bears any effect on the situation. Really in my mind, I'm pretty sure it is safe to say that a new year means running away from the problems of the past year. Pushing them to the back of my mind, having them creep back ever so slowly as a reminder that life can be rough at times, but you just have to keep on going.. and even still perhaps all the self reassurance in the world will never quite save me. A lot has happened in the past year, as does every other year. But with each year that passes, I find myself dealing with 'grown up issues' that appear to be growing a touch more complex. I lose myself amidst the chaos and find pieces of my former self emerge and slap me on the face, reminding me that I am alive and that I am changing. More recently, I have found myself smirking whilst walking down the street making me realise that perhaps everything is not lost. Whilst I might find all that is going on around me difficult, I should persevere as my ability to deal has brought me this far and will carry me on further. I acknowledge what my life is at the moment (although maybe not appreciate) and still strive towards the idea, that one day this will all make sense to me. Originally posted on transitlounge.vox.com +

On Vox: .. [14 Dec 2009|09:53am] dumbkidglory I sit at my desk amidst the fluorescent glow and I look over my partition to see the grey skies outside. My mood matches that of outside and I am bleary eyed and tired, coping with the effects of the lack of sleep. As I sit and reflect on the events that have occured over the last few days, I am once again worn out, lacking and bare. The assault appears to have begun. Coming in full force and then dying down to wisps of apologies, hesitations, regret. From my own perspective, you don't appear to understand me or my decision. How hard that I've worked over the last three years and how perhaps in my own mind how that hard work hasn't appeared to pay off. How I am no longer that person entering the world with you and how we (or possibly I) have grown apart. How there is much more to this than meets the eye. As I try to be civil about the whole thing, I will post here, rather than on mainstream forms of media, focusing on what it is that I am thinking, rather than inconspicuous updates about how karma will get me and other attacks. I feel so manipulated by your words, as this whole thing turns into a viscious cycle (or maybe it has always been one). There is so much that I am thinking and wish I could tell you, but when I try, I fail. Miserably. I get blocked by my own feelings and emotions and your presence. I stutter. Lose eloquence. And cry at the best of times. From your perspective, you don't seem to see that this is as difficult for me as much as it is for you. Because I am the bearer of the news. I shouldn't find it hard, or difficult. Because I am breaking it off, I should be immune to emotion or feeling. And to rub salt in the wounds, you leave me with subtle updates around your whereabouts and who you've been seeing - leaving me to piece together the pieces. I believe that you are free to do as you wish, although given the situation I think that it is highly unnecessary. I never asked for this. I never plotted for it to end. I didn't want things to be difficult. All I can hope for is that one day, we can once again be friends. Be happy for each other and move on with our lives. Originally posted on transitlounge.vox.com +

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